Thoughts On the Article "A Healthy Baby is not ALL That Matters."

This article really resonates with me these days. Many women feel ashamed to talk about their birth experience if things didn't go as they had hoped for. I remember being in labor and knowing a c-section was becoming a greater reality as Lincoln's heart rate was dropping with each contraction. Family, friends, and even the nurses kept telling me that "a healthy baby is all that matters." That made me feel very upset in the midst of what I wanted to be the most special day of my life.

It goes without saying that above all I wanted my child to be ok. But I wanted to matter, too. I wanted to be able to experience the pain (believe it or not) and overwhelming joy of experiencing a vaginal birth. I knew I did not want a c-section, but I never realized just how traumatic having one would be for me.

I was AFRAID to hold my first born 2 hours after he took his first breath because I was shaking so much and was scared I would drop him. I had to re-learn how to walk. I was stuck in the hospital for 5 days. These things definitely matter to a new mommy. The emotional scars this has left on me will stick with me forever. And as crazy as it sounds to people who have not gone through this, I feel like the trauma is growing as I'm pregnant again and want so desperately to not go through what I did before. This time I'm a lot more informed and prepared, so I feel like even if things don't go as I hope, I'll be able to handle it better and know I did everything I could to prevent a c-section.

A healthy baby really is not all that matters, and I hope I don't hear that from countless people as the day approaches. A mom who feels respected, acknowledged, safe, and mentally stable also matters.  This is one of the reasons I am becoming more open and honest about how much Lincoln's birth truly affected me. Most people, including my own husband and parents, didn't realize how much I have gone through mentally and emotionally because of my birth experience until I recently started sharing my innermost thoughts and fears. I love my son more than the world, so yes, he is with every bit of physical and emotional pain that his birth has brought me. But it could have been lessened if I had been more prepared, more knowledgeable, more decisive about what I wanted. And it also could have been less traumatic if more people empathized with me about what I was going through instead of saying that only the baby mattered...

I hope this is encouraging to other moms who have gone through similar emotions about their birth experiences. And I hope that it helps family and friends of expecting moms to be empathetic of their needs and desires. After all, taking care of moms will result in happier, healthier babies in the long run.